It’s 9:15 on a Monday, and the email has already landed:
“Changes to the rostering structure will be announced later this month.”
That’s it. No details, no timeline — just one sentence.
By smoko, three people have speculated about it in the lunchroom. By lunch, someone has “heard” it means cuts. By knock-off, you’ve replayed that email a dozen times, rehearsed imaginary conversations with your manager, and you’ll probably lie awake later running through the worst-case scenarios. Nothing has actually changed. And yet you’re exhausted.
If that feels familiar, you’re not overreacting. You’re a human being with a nervous system doing exactly what it’s designed to do — scan for threats. The catch is that most of what it’s scanning for sits well outside anything you can actually change. And that’s where one of the simplest, most powerful tools I use — in almost every coaching session and workshop — comes in.
What Is the Circle of Control?
The idea was popularised by Stephen Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (1989). Covey described two circles: an outer Circle of Concern (everything we care or worry about) and, inside it, a smaller Circle of Influence (the things we can actually do something about).
The version many coaches use — and the one I use every day — has three rings:
- Control (the inner circle): my words, my actions, my effort, how I respond, what I say yes and no to, and how I look after myself.
- Influence (the middle ring): things I can affect but not decide — a conversation with my manager, the tone of a team meeting, how supported a colleague feels.
- Concern (the outer ring): things that matter to me but that I can’t change — the economy, the weather, a head-office decision, other people’s moods, what happened last week.
None of this is brand new. Around 2,000 years ago, the Stoic philosopher Epictetus opened his Enchiridion by dividing life into what is “up to us” and what isn’t. What Covey added was a really useful observation: the circle you focus on tends to grow. People who put their energy into their Circle of Influence find their influence expanding. People who live in their Circle of Concern — blaming, worrying, waiting for things to change — find their influence shrinking, and feel more and more powerless as a result.
Why This Is a Body Thing, Not Just a Mindset Thing
When we fixate on something we can’t control, the body doesn’t know the difference between “a threat I’m facing” and “a threat I’m imagining.” Stress researcher Robert Sapolsky (Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers) explains that, unlike most animals, humans can switch on the stress response with thought alone. We can keep our bodies on high alert about things that may never happen.
That’s the hidden cost of living in the outer circle — tight shoulders, a shorter fuse, broken sleep, and that “hit by a truck” tiredness at the end of a day where nothing technically happened. (Sound familiar? It’s the invisible load’s close cousin.)
It matters for workplaces too. Research going back to Robert Karasek’s job demand–control model (1979) shows that high demands combined with low control is a recipe for strain. Safe Work Australia’s Model Code of Practice: Managing psychosocial hazards at work now names low job control as a psychosocial hazard. So helping people find — and use — the control they do have isn’t a soft extra. It’s part of doing workplace safety well.
What It Looks Like in Real Life
Employees: The restructure rumour
You can’t control the decision, the timing, or the rumour mill. You can influence it by asking your manager directly what’s known and when you’ll hear more. And you control whether you feed the speculation, how you spend your evenings, and whether your CV is up to date — so you feel prepared rather than panicked.
Manufacturing & Agriculture: The frontline delay
The parts haven’t arrived, the rain has set in, and the whole week’s plan is shot. The weather and the supply chain live firmly in your Circle of Concern. What you control is how you re-plan, what you tell the team, and whether the frustration lands on the nearest person. A supervisor who calmly says “Right — here’s what we can get done today” steadies the whole crew.
Education: The parent complaint
A teacher opens a sharp email late on a Sunday night. They can’t control the parent’s tone or assumptions. They can influence the outcome by choosing when and how to reply, and by asking a leader to sit in on the meeting. They control their own response, their boundaries around after-hours email, and not letting one message define their sense of competence.
Leaders: The decision from above
A policy has come down that you didn’t choose and don’t fully agree with, and your team is venting. You can’t reverse it. You can influence it by feeding honest, constructive feedback upward. And you control how you hold the room — acknowledging the frustration, being honest about what’s fixed, and turning the team’s energy toward the parts they can shape. That’s not spin. That’s leadership.
How to Use It — Starting Today
Draw it. Literally. Three circles on a page, then dump every worry, frustration and “what if” into the ring where it belongs. Seeing it on paper takes so much of the heat out of it — in workshops, this is often the moment the whole room breathes out.
Notice where you spend the day. At the end of your shift, ask yourself: how much of today’s thinking went to things I can’t change? No judgement. Awareness is the first step.
Check in with your body. A clenched jaw, shallow breathing and a racing mind are often signs you’ve drifted into the outer circle. One slow, long exhale is always within your control — and it tells your nervous system you’re safe enough to think clearly again.
Find the smallest controllable action. When something feels overwhelming, ask “What’s one thing within my control right now?” One email. One conversation. One breath before walking into that meeting.
Let go — on purpose. Some things belong in the outer ring, and the healthiest move is to consciously set them down. That’s not the same as not caring. It’s choosing not to spend energy where it can’t make a difference.
Leaders: make it a team tool. When change hits, run the three circles together. It turns anxious, circular conversations into practical ones — and shows your people you understand the difference between what they’re responsible for and what they’re simply carrying.
Listen to the language. “They always…”, “There’s no point…” and “If only…” are Circle of Concern talk. “I can…”, “I’ll ask…” and “What I’ll do is…” are Circle of Influence talk. Gently shift the words, and the energy follows.
A Final Thought
We can’t control everything — and trying to is one of the fastest routes to running on empty. Last month we named the invisible load. This month is about deciding which parts of it are actually yours to carry.
Get clear on where your energy is going. Spend it where it counts. And give yourself permission to put the rest down.
Of course, once you know what you can control, the next question is: how do you decide what to do with it? That’s where values come in — and it’s next month’s blog.
If you’d like the Circle of Control brought into your own workplace or team — as a practical workshop, a toolbox talk or a leadership session — we’d love to chat.
— Lou & The Team Approach
References
- Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Free Press.
- Epictetus. (c. 125 CE). Enchiridion.
- Karasek, R. A. (1979). Job demands, job decision latitude, and mental strain: Implications for job redesign. Administrative Science Quarterly, 24(2), 285–308.
- Safe Work Australia. (2022). Model Code of Practice: Managing psychosocial hazards at work.
- Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers (3rd ed.). Henry Holt.